The Valves recording studio

Phase 11 Almost there, so why not stand around and crank tunes? Here we are at phase 11. Wow. Think about that for a minute. Phase 11. Phase ELEVEN. E-L-E-V-E-N A phase for every Valve. A Valve for every phase Who would have thought way back at phase one that there would be a phase 11? Not me, that's for sure.

And this is what you get for your many phases. An almost complete control room. The large Polk Audio monitors are in place and WORKING thank you very much. There are two effects in the effects rack and while you can't hear it, there is actually music issuing forth from this stuff, hence the pretty colors on the computer screens.

Makes you just want to reach out and twiddle some knobs, doesn't it. Go ahead, twiddle, twiddle, you know you want to...

Wow man! (If you have speakers next to your computer, this would be a good time to crank up some James Brown and imagine what it's like to actually stand in this spot)

Those of you with sharp eyes and a lack of anything better to do may notice that this isn't the same monitor as last week. This is a widescreen monitor baby! The other one just wasn't wide enough, just like Paris Hilton's hips.

This is the motley amp rack. The amp and the EQ are for the big monitors. Yes, that's a cassette deck, some of us just can't get past our outdated technology. Below that is the power supply for the mixer and to the right the computer. Above it all is the big-ass mahogony rail modeled after Angelina Jolie's lower lip.

You are looking at a snake. No, not behind the box, it IS the box. There are 3 of these, this is just one, obviously. This is sitting on the floor in Studio A.This is where you plug stuff in in the studio, it goes from here into the control room and into the mixer. The white thing next to it could actually be a snake, I'm not sure.

And here is the snack shelf. You thought I was kidding about that didn't you? but no! Snacks, right there, close at hand. It's stocked right now with enough snacks to last me, oh, about 16 seconds.
	This is the pile of adapters. Every studio needs adapters, all kinds of adapters. This is the start of our pile. Not sure where these will end up, but I'm sure this will be the start of a beautiful pile of adapters. Can't run a studio without adapters. Even Abbey Road had adapters.
	I bet you've been saying to yourself "Hey, if I were to look out in back of The Machine Shop, what would I see?" Well, you might just see these deer. These are NOT hunting deer, these are LOOKING AT deer. You're not going to get a view like this at the Record Plant in NYC are you? Hell no! Course, there are no actual windows in the studio, so you're not going to see them from there either. The main thing is, you don't want to feed them. This isn't a petting zoo, these are wild animals and are likely to attack you and inflict deer damage on your ass. They may even be ganging up to kick someone's ass right now. They seem to be looking for something... or SOMEONE! That guy who clipped bambi last week with the .22 maybe? Yeah, they can SMELL you, Mr. Intrepid Hunter. They're on your trail and they're out for blood! If I were you, I'd be looking for some camouflage that matches your bedsheets, cuz when they find you, it aint gonna be pretty.

	So, what do you do when you finally have tunes pumping out of the control room? You get a few Valves together and listen to them of course. Stevie, the man who built it all, sits in the captains chair, relaxing to the sound of... well, who the hell knows what, the point is, it sounds damn good. Roger looks on, still wearing his name tag, because even after all this time, he's convinced that we don't remember who he is without it. And Paul walks in wearing his orange hunting shirt... hey... wait.. hunting shirt? So, no wonder the deer are sniffing around. Good thing for us they don't have opposable thumbs, I doubt they would be real discriminating when it comes to cuddly deer revenge. And for those who picked up on the new monitor, you've also probably noticed that we're using a PC and not a Mac to record on. That's right you Mac snobs! Just deal with it!
	Mike relaxes doing his best arrogant french painter impression (not to be confused with agnostic french impressionist painters) . If he stopped at trying to look like one,it wouldn't be so bad, but the stupid fake accent is what really makes you want to stab him in the heart, rip it out and stomp on it in a feeble and useless attempt to make pseudo-french heart wine. "So zees ees ze stoodio eh? I am theenking zat maybe we could take ze guitar and recordezvous ze love song, zo zat I can seeng eet to my wanderfool leetle spouse, of who I am much feeling ze amour...". He's not even at PePe LePew standards.

	Paul really dresses like this, it's not a costume. He seems to be saying "The Machine Shop is your place to go for all your recording needs". What he's actually saying is "I hope no one notices what I'm wiping on the console with my right hand, and hey, if I don't want them to know, maybe I should be saying this to myself instead of out loud" Allen and Roger, adrinkin' and alaughin' at the ole' studio. Not sure what is so funny, I'm thinking maybe Steve is telling the one about the blonde, the brunette, the redhead and the fat bald guy. 3 guesses which is the punch line. One can't help but notice the contrast between the red chair, purple foam, brown walls, black foam... no lack of diversity here.
	And the George Washington of the Mt. Rushmore Keys, Johnny D. with his usual passionately emotionless demeanor. Mike Ooh La Ladd is right next to him, and if I'm not mistaken, Johnny may have smacked him in the head after Mike started singing La Marseillaise with what can only be described as a french accent by way of Moldova or maybe Jamaica. Don't screw with Johnny D.

Here Paul presents us with a list of penitent acts he is willing to do if the deer who are by now surrounding the house will simply let him remain alive and leave in peace. The gambit fails however, because of course, deer can't read or understand english.

And so, I slowly make my way out of the studio, taking one last look through the big control room window before sneaking out by doing my best wild moose impression, which consists mostly of talking like bullwinkle. I'm still waiting for word of how the stand off was ended. Oh yeah, the studio is awaiting a few more special cables to connect the deck and some headphone amps. Once those are in, recording shall commence (or as Mike would put it "recordezvous". Dont you just want to smack him?)!!!